Fat Girl Ninja on lawn care

I am just as in favor of caring for ones garden as the next person; however as i write this at six AM i do think running the string trimmer this time of day is excessive.  My lovely 86 year old three times widower neighbor has been happily shagging the hyper religious 63 year old spinster two doors down for nearly 8 years.  Of course since there is no such thing as premarital sex, or really sex other then that for procreation,  the attempted stealth of this shag -o- thon is high.  I would like to tell you that only a fat girl ninja with extraordinary powers could detect this scandalous affair .... but i would be lying.  The whole of neighborhood knows, but being sensitive to people we care for we dont put it in their face.  So why talk about such mundane crap?  well it goes back to the 6:00 AM aspect of this whole tale...or would it be tail....as in getting some tail or NOT getting some tail.... My thoughts on folks who work so fricking hard on lawn care are that a perfect lawn is a sign of some kind of repression....mostly sexual but.... who am i to say (really i have several undergraduate and one graduate degree, not to mention ninja powers of perception that allow me to say)  My lovely  three times widower neighbor LOVES his lawn.  On normal times he is very careful about mowing in different directions each time so he doesn't screw up the mow lines, he has a yard stick that is marked so all he has to do is gently poke it into his grass to see if the grass is longer then is acceptable. He grows lovely flowers and well shaped shrubs in all the appropriate places that never have so much as a stray twig or out of place peddle.  This obsession with lawn care goes so far as him having a garage business fixing garden cutting tools.... so where the fuck is this going?  I am thinking she does not put out as much has he would like  or she is not inclined to Faire une pipe.  When this lack is heightened by her annual pilgramage to some unnamed jesusfest it ups the frustration and he breaks out the string trimmer at 6 AM.  

The problem was solved when the neighbor; whose wife, based on his own claim is proficient at faire une pipe came out and started yelling and gave the entire neighborhood an unrefined example of using the word fuck in several aspects of the English language.